in the arts
from May 2007

300 is about the battle of Thermopylae, fought between the Persians and a Greek/Spartan alliance in 480 BC. Everyone knows the result: the Persians win, 300 Spartan heroes die in a futile attempt to stop the enemy advance. That’s it, basically.

The reasons the battle is remembered are connected with the sacrifice of the good guys - who were fighting for the values of Greek democracy against the more tyrannical, empire-building Persians led by their king, Xerxes (with more than a touch of the Saddam Hussein’s about him). The Spartans were led by King Leonidas, a charismatic war lord who had the loyalty of his troops behind him.

Since the Greeks triumphed over the Persians at the later sea battle of Salamis and Hellenic culture was made safe from barbarians, the history books see this as a key event in classical times. Poets and painters have subsequently romaticised the battle. The French artist David who was the court painter for Napoleon showed a fully naked Leonidas with lovely permed, curled hair surrounded by similarly undressed troops who were concerned about looking pretty before dying. Spartan values are traditionally seen as simple-minded patriotism, following gentlemanly rules of battle - noble public school toffs against the cowardly devious foreigners.

So, how does this pan out on the screen and why should queer cineastes buy a ticket? Anyone familiar with a more sophisticated view of history will feel somewhat queasy. This is a reprise of the 50s sandals and toga version. We see hordes of warriors from central casting, overindulged on the steroids and fast food between takes. They wear little more than sandals, cloaks and leather briefs that certainly emphasise what big boys they are, grunting responses rather than debating the finer points of Platonic ethics. Somewhat hypocritically they deride the Athenians as poets and boy lovers , ignoring the fact that paedophilia (in the best possible taste was integral to the Spartan education system.

The buildings have the insecure charm of the Crossroads motel set and money has been saved here. But the historical ambience is rudely destroyed by the use of fabled monsters in the battle, grotesque Quasimodo-like characters, crab-clawed misfits and Xerxes as a Grace Jones look- alike, weighed down with bling, piercings and a bejeweled pouch, bitchily hissing threats against Leonidas. Clean beheadings and spearings make the battle sequences more like a Gameboy scenario. Lots and lots of bodies litter the battle field and the rain of Persian arrows resonates with the Agincourt scene in Olivier’s Henry V. Sparta is a land of corn fields eerily lit by overbright yellow sunsets, and Leonidas’ wife - the only female leading character - preserves her virtue whilst her husband is away by repulsing the sexual advances of Theron, a traitor in the pay of Persia who wants the council to refuse to send reinforcements.

The values of Middle America are clearly not far beneath the surface. The enemy is corrupt and dissipated with lesbian writhing offered as court entertainment for Xerxes. The Spartans lost because they disobeyed the Oracle (priests who would not be out of place in a Tolkein epic) and went to war despite the warning to delay the advance. So this is not an educational film in the Timewatch mode.

There is some fun to be found in seeing connections with earlier epics that connect classical conflicts with current global issues: modern Iran is not too far from the evils of ancient Persia which is why 300 is not playing to packed houses in Tehran. Butch homoeroticism is patently obvious - this is an all-boys movie - French rugby players with massive thighs transported to a film set. There isn’t much dialogue - it’s the visual aspects that are meant to appeal - oiled thighs, a glimpse at brief wear and great pecs. Cultural historians might find some resonance with the films of Leni Riefenstahl - a race of undressed warrior heroes on the rampage fighting decadence. The irony is that the Spartans were believers in the notion that homosexual love was on higher plane than heterosexual activity (although Leonidas does have a sex scene with his wife so as not to offend a straight audience) . Older men were mentors of young boys both in military training and bedroom customs. Testosterone ruled in Sparta and liberal democratic freedoms did not. The physical and sexual bullying of children was ever-present.

This is an adventure movie for addicts of CGI and those who loved the battle scenes in Lord of the Rings and who are into wrestling films. If you like piecings, you’ll see Xerxes - Rodrigo Santoro - as a role model. If you are turned on by Russell Crowe then you will love Gerard Butler as Leonidas.

300 is not an especially memorable film - either in terms of gay appeal, direction, historical content or narrative. It probably won’t make you an Iranophobe either. Only fans of Rupert Brookes will feel the idea of Spartan sacrifice is very noble, But if you are enthusiastic for computer games and sanitised killing on screen then it will fill a wet afternoon quite well.

And it’s always fun to mock the pretensions of butch acting whilst secretly being turned on by macho bodybuilders. Size zero wimps are not quite as fashionable as once they were...

Nick Tyldesley